jeni starfish

Something of value

Sheffield Coaching Exchange last Monday night. A record turn out, perhaps reflecting a new year resolve to connect and get out there a little more. But almost certainly boosted by a fascination with the topic under discussion - values, guaranteed to have any coach worth their salt drooling in anticipation. And controversial too. The debate was over whether or not it is possible to change values, to actually decide that something that is important to you no longer is, so that you can get on with the business of being happier and more fulfilled. Something like, I have this value of integrity but it is darned inconvenient and stops me from having an easy life at times, wouldn't it be nice if I could let it go? After all, you can change your beliefs, sometimes in a nano-second, and no coach I know would consider that to be at all controversial. But values? It felt too much like radical psycho cosmetic surgery - hard to argue against the positive short term feel good factor but at the risk of messing with a core sense of identity? Or are the values we live by just as much a product of our conditioning as our limiting beliefs and therefore fair game for a makeover any time they cause us anxiety or pain?

Beware of hanger appeal

Yesterday I had a very indulgent morning, made all the sweeter because I could justify it as part of developing my still-feels-new-even-after-two-and-a-half-years identity as a professional coach and (now) author. I went shopping. For clothes.

It's my belief there are two main strategies for clothes shopping, at least if you are female. The first is to take along your best friend and be prepared to abandon the trip for emergency chocolate if the sizes in your favorite store suddenly and mysteriously seem to have undergone an Italian job (that is, they will only fit an undersized, pre-pubescent principessa). The second is to take a professional best friend who will steer you through the dangers of hanger appeal, keep you away from the chocolate, and make you feel like the whole experience is the most fun you have ever had whilst spending just a bit too much money. I went for the second strategy and took Natalia Colman, image consultant and all round Fab Female. 

101 great questions to ask yourself - No 3

Who are you when no one is looking?

Integrity, like all values, is open to interpretation. Think of honour amongst thieves, or the slippery scale of honesty in the political world. You might have been shocked by a friend's definition of integrity displayed in their actions. You might yourself balk at telling even a little white lie where you will cheerfully take an extra five minutes on a lunch break at work. The point is, it's your value and you know the rules. Your inner coach keeps you on track and helps you get with the programme. But it's odd how easy it can be to break your own rules when you think no-one is looking. What on earth is that about then?

Starfish gets giddy in Borders

The publication of Life Coaching for Dummies has sent me into a giddy spin, that's for sure. I held the book in my hands for the first time on Tuesday 7th November at 3.25pm precisely and although I haven't experienced this for myself, I'm guessing it really is something like holding your first-born for the first time, but maybe without all the preceeding physical pain.

The last week or so has been full of firsts - first copy held, first copy signed, first copy sold, first chance to promote the book to a group of fellow coaches who gratified me with roof raising applause when I told my story of how I got published. And yesterday, first sighting of book on a shelf at a real bookstore! I had to bully the poor bookseller though, but she told me afterwards she didn't mind.

Best before it makes you feel bad

Every so often it happens, doesn't it? You carefully select a piece of fresh looking meat or fish, cook it lovingly and with just a little dash of Nigella panache, and an hour later you are writhing in agony from food poisoning or an allergic reaction. This happened in our household a week or so ago and it was far from pleasant. Afterwards I wondered if the timing of this was significant in some kind of cosmic advice and guidance sense. I have been increasingly drawn to opting for a less carnivorous existence and my evening of throbbing head, nausea, elevated blood pressure and blurred vision, has gone a fair way to moving me further into the world of all things (mostly) vegetarian.

I was reminded of this at the weekend as I listened to the excellent Charles Faulkner present on Exploring Inner Worlds during a weekend of NLP mastery with PPD Learning. "Feelings," he reminded us, "are not date stamped." And it's true - you never know when a bad one is going to pop up from your past and spoil a present moment for you.

 

Of butterflies and full circles...

Yesterday was a significant day for me. It was the publication date of my book Life Coaching for Dummies - so plenty of cause for celebration. Now, significant days sometimes have fanfares and marching bands attached to them but this one didn't seem to. You see, publication date simply means the date that the books get dispatched from the printer. They will arrive in the shops and get stacked on the shelves sometime next week and that's also when I will receive my copies and hold the finished book in my hands for the first time. So, wonderful though my significant date was for me, I had a sense of very mild anticlimax about it all. That is, until the butterfly arrived.